Eradicating Self-Doubt

April 15th, 2011 § 1 comment

An April flower from a few years ago...

 

 

Self-Doubt is a problem most people cope with, especially creative people (writers, artists, etc.). I suffer from self-doubt quite often and also have a tendency to self-sabotage. For the first time in my life, I have a feeling good things will happen to me this year. It’s a gut feeling and I can’t even rationalize it. I just feel like this will be my year. I’ve been doing well with the positive thinking since January but my bad habits are resurfacing. If there is a window or a chance of success, the two demons emerge from the shadows and embrace me. I become paralyzed and the tragic part is I welcome it. Failure is a familiar, warm, cozy mantle I wear on my shoulders after years of knowing this is who I am. Success and even the possibility of it is terrifying.

I am a person very adverse to change. To change who I am in my mind from failure to something else is unsettling. This identity of failure is deep-seeded in childhood. I spoke about this to my husband and he knows me too well. He claims I submitted to various places so I can delay having my book out in the Kindle store. He also suspects I may be just waiting for rejection so I can justify burying the novel again into obscurity. ┬áHe’s right. The man knows me so well. Even though I’m jumping on the outside acting very excited about being accepted or finally achieving my dream, I’m expecting no responses or rejection letters confirming what I already know of myself and my writing.

I’m trying to break out of this habit. I’m trying to change. I will continue to create and to write because it’s a compulsion. Most of all, it makes me happy. No matter what happens self-doubt and self-sabotage will no longer be my constant companions. Besides, they’re cheap and never pay me back for countless loans against my self-esteem.

— Rosey

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§ One Response to Eradicating Self-Doubt

  • Jules says:

    You don’t need others to validate your work. If you are satisfied with your creations, that is more than enough. Everything you’ve put your efforts to have yielded amazing results, Rosey! I definitely want to see more of your artwork.

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